We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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