dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
