The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
