WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
