he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize