Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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