So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
