i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
