he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
