i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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