dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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