somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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