My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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