She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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