Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
