At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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