It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Congratulations! We have a period
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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