not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
