You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
