Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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