how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
