You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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