I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
