dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
