he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she smelled like a LAN party
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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