omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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