my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize