apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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