I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
