I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
