I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we made out on top of his cat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize