Apparently you make a good broom.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
