"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
