just tell him i said nine months
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
