she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
