Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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