Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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