shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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