Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
