Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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