he thought i was a dude.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
