My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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