Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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