Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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