JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
