can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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