Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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