I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
