Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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