Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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