Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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