so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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