Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
