At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
