Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Panties = found
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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