Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
