Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
