My room smells like vodka and shame
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
