didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
