You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
