You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
