i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
