yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
