so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
