Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
