If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
third nipple confirmed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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