Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
