Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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