I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
