I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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